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There Are Eight Planets In The Solar System

The song goes like this: There are 8 planets 8 planets In the solar system It’s a terrible song and it plays on repeat in my house because I have a toddler who enjoys <strike> torturing me </strike> learning things on YouTube. I remember when Pluto was demoted from “planet” to “dwarf planet” in 2006. (…)

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How To Invent The Future

One of my favorite quotes comes from the infamous Cindy Gallop who said, “You cannot invent the future if you care too much what the Old World Order thinks.” I lived according to this doctrine as a giant hypocrite, caring pretty much only about what the Old World Order thought. Especially when the Old World Order was (…)

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Red or Yellow?

This is ridiculous but here it is: I was gifting myself a pair of loafers and when it came time to actually choose a pair, I couldn’t decide. For weeks, I was paralyzed with indecision about a pair of freaking shoes I was buying for fun. The rational side of my brain got stuck on practical (…)

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Why We’re So Susceptible To Bad Advice

It was a Wednesday in 1997 and I was required to go to Bat Mitzvah practice. For the uninitiated, Bat Mitzvah practice is an archaic tradition that requires preadolescents to memorize songs in ancient Hebrew for several days a week for an entire year. It’s supposed to teach you about your religion, but like most things in (…)

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This Beauty That I See

When Ann Patchett has an idea for a book, she says it whirls around her like an “oversized butterfly whose wings were cut from the rose window in Notre Dame.” She’s. So. Good. That’s exactly what it feels like when inspiration strikes. That moment when your idea is so beautiful, you have to sit with (…)

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What Do You See?

One of my favorite scenes in all of literature is from Raise High The Roof Beam Carpenters, Seymour an Introduction by J.D. Salinger. Who TF approved that title, I will never know, but remind yourself that a book with that title was published the next time you’re feeling down about your own prospects and you (…)

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The Secret To Authentic Self-Promotion

When I was nine, I was obsessed with the Spice Girls. I literally could not get enough of them. Put Scary Spice’s face on anything and I needed to own it. NEEDED TO. IT WAS A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH. Ok, it wasn’t, but it felt like it was. Any time I saw Spice (…)

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Something A Little Different

You know when you eat too much cheese and you turn into a human blob of bloating and immobility? I feel like we’ve all eaten too much cheese. We’re encumbered. Some of us are encumbered with children or spouses, others encumbered with silence and stillness. They’re two sides of the same coin. You can’t have (…)

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How To Become Exceptional and Extraordinary

Hi |*FIRST NAME*| I wrote that on purpose. It wasn’t a mistake. I wrote FIRST NAME and put asterisks around it and then added lines. DO YOU HAVE ANXIETY. The first time I sent an email out to a BIG list with, “Hi |*FIRST NAME*|,” I was 100% certain I was going to be fired. (…)

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Remote Bartending Is A Thing Now

Few years ago, I had my own column at Inc. Inc sold my email address to some company named Meltwater that has since distributed it to every bad PR company in the Western Hemisphere. No matter how many requests I make to be removed (and how many years go by that I am no longer an Inc (…)

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