You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. You can pull them out of a bathtub, but you can’t *make* them want to live. To love someone is to let them sit in their own consequences. To risk losing them if they want to be lost.
I had a serious piece queued up for today about how you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved, but I’m in the mood for something lighter. Things in my world are heavy. Hope takes effort. I’m told this is a symptom of trauma, not depression. Depression displays anhedonia, which is the absence of pleasure (…)
Lately, I’ve been mulling over the courage it takes to be happy. Not the Instagram performance “happy.” Truly, sincerely, happy. There is significant research on happiness (Dr. Santo’s lab, The Happiness Research Institute, Dr. Ed’s Stuff, Shawn Anchor who is meh, Google Scholar pieces here, it’s ENDLESS). We know empirically that joy > happiness (one (…)
If there is one psychologist whose work has influenced my life more than anyone, it’s Dr. Harriet Lerner. And Dr. Ramani. And Dr. Eger. And Dr. Judith Herman. Ok, there are many. But if you don’t know who Dr. Lerner is, this podcast is a good place to start. Dr. Lerner’s book The Dance of Anger (terrible title, wonderful book) quite literally blew (…)
Dreaming is a topic we reserve for Kindergarten and elementary school. I move we upgrade this topic to an adult one because we’re making a royal mess of it lately. We’ve confused dreams with escapism and naivety. And we’ve normalized pedestaling the dreams of those who came before us over our own, resulting in outcomes (…)
About eight years ago I had the privilege of being at a conference that was mostly a waste of time, until the last day when I found myself at a round-table with Patron Saint of Relationship Wisdom, Dr. Esther Perel. I couldn’t tell you what someone like Esther was doing at this godforsaken conference, but I’m thrilled (…)
I’m reading a fantastic book you need to add to your list called, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. It’s about abuse. I know, light reading for your morning, but stay with me. I’d heard it recommended before but didn’t think it was relevant to my life. I was wrong. Something I learned (…)
I recently was thrust unexpectedly and unwillingly back into the world of dating. As someone curious about human psychology, it’s been a fascinating gift of content and anthropologic insight. But as a human being with thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants – especially one conditioned as a cishet female – it is horrible. The actual dating (…)