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Behavior Change

Good Guys and Bad Guys

There are no good guys and bad guys. We’ll start with the punchline. I’ve tried really hard to divide the world into them. It would be easier if people were all good or all bad. EVIL VS VIRTUE. CRUEL VS KIND. LOVE VS HATE. JUSTICE VS INJUSTICE. None of these dichotomies are real. Often cruelty comes from (…)

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meaningful conversation outside two people talking camping thatseemsimportant

Can We Make Meaningful Converstion The Norm?

How was vacation? How was the movie? How is the new place? How was dinner? How was the date? How’s work? How’d it go? We don’t give real answers to these questions. We give dismissals: “It was fine. It was great. Oh, we had a blast!” “It was interesting, different, very unique.” The question I (…)

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Why is This Fun? And Other Important Life Questions You Should Ask Yourself Regularly

There’s a cowboy culture in Texas that consists of games where you prove your worth through machismo. They call this a “rodeo,” but really it is men competing with men for who is dumber. They prove dominance over animals and battle for “strength” with games like “how long can you stay on top of a (…)

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Clear is Kind: Why You Should Endure The Discomfort of Being Direct

There is no such thing as a friendly reminder. “Friendly reminders” are passive-aggressive roundabout ways of avoiding direct communication and clarifying your position. There are fascinating reasons why we do this, which Dr. Harriett Lerner, Patron Saint Of All Things Anger, talks about in detail here. The gist is that many of us avoid conflict (…)

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Take Care of Your Self

Self-help is a notoriously garbage category, so I wanted to share some of the books I have on my “approved” list as we enter into gifting season. These books are rooted in strong data and credible expertise, without being so heavy and academic that they are unintelligible.  If you are looking for information on psychology (…)

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Shutting Down The Food Company I Never Started

The Ginger Route was going to be a clean food company. Then it was going to be a blog. No, sorry, a platform! Ginger Route had many iterations all of which live in perpetuity in a notebook somewhere in my office. I worked on that “business” for longer than I care to admit here in public. It’s (…)

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Can You “Make” Someone Feel Something?

One of the core principles of Stoicism is accepting responsibility. Accepting responsibility for how you feel, what you did, and what happened. “Blame yourself or blame no one.” – Mr. Marcus Aurelius is famous for having said. As someone who over-indexes on self-blame, I have a bone to pick with Mr. Aurelius on this one. (…)

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Times Are Heavy But We Need Not Be

We called my grandmother Mimi. Mimi used to say she’d need a nap after talking to me because I talked too fast and the topics were heavy. I’m comfortable in heavy. It’s my happy place because I have lots of questions and I can’t find answers in the superficial stuff. Yes, sure, the weather is (…)

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