The line between direct and obnoxious is thin, but firm. Your goal is to remain securely on the generous side of the line, avoiding the obnoxious side as much as humanly possible. Often in our attempts to avoid being obnoxious, we overcorrect and become non-committal, evasive, defensive, passive aggressive, and (the worst one) unclear.
Making someone guess what you would like them to do is unkind. Wasting their time is unkind. Squandering their attention is unkind.
Being clear is kind.
It saves your reader time. It prevents ambiguity, reduces confusion, and is respectful.
Consider the difference between:
“Just a friendly reminder that it really helps us when you write your child’s name on his stuff!”
And
“Please write your child’s name on his clothing.”
The former is defensive, the latter is helpful. The latter doesn’t waste your time, it doesn’t shame you, and it doesn’t force you to decode a hidden message – it’s clear what this person wants you to do.
Clear is kind.
What keeps us from being clear is the fear we’re being too direct, too aggressive, too annoying. And the cultural norms around “being nice.” We often obfuscate and deflect in service of being “nice,” instead of being effective. But obfuscation is disrespectful to our reader’s time, attention, and personhood, ex: A “friendly reminder” is never friendly.
There is no reason being direct needs to be “mean.”
Clear is kind.
Click here. Buy now. Join today. Get 15% off. ← These are clear.
Come to my party. Bring a drink. Reply by Saturday. ←- These are kind.
You don’t have to guess what the writer wants you to do.
Your words are like a date you’re on with your reader. Come off too strong out of the gate and you’ll scare off your date. But hold back from showing any cards, and she’ll think you’re not interested.
The line is thin, but firm.
Your job is to find it.
