About a decade ago everyone and their mom was obsessed with “vulnerability.”
Brene Brown gave her now famous TED talk on the topic and popularized the term, leading people to become devout practitioners of vulnerability. What did that mean? No one knows. But what happened was people started oversharing everything private about themselves on the internet and then called themselves brave.
As someone who personally suffers from the oversharing affliction in real life (when I get nervous I cannot stop talking), I can attest: it is not brave. Sharing your innermost pains and traumas, your private inside-thoughts and embarrassing stories with strangers is not brave.
It is inappropriate.
Trauma porn has been popular for decades. The strategy is to share private personal details of your life to garner attention, sympathy, or sales from your audience. This is an effective (albeit, gross) strategy for extracting an outcome but it is not vulnerable. And it certainly not brave.
I have written plenty of pieces for me, that I have shared with you. Many I would qualify as brave, some as inappropriate. The difference is in their intent. When you share in service of a bigger point, the reader should see themselves. When you share in service of “being vulnerable,” the reader sees you – and is demanded to perform labor, like provide support or encouragement.
To share bravely, openly, and honestly doesn’t require that you take anything from your audience. It demands, like all good work, you give.
In this case, it’s your heart.
With age and awareness, I’ve become able to temper my impulse to verbal vomit, but it still happens and I have to sit in my shame. This is in real life.
The internet is a different thing.
The difference between the internet and real life is that you have to hit “publish” before things go out on the internet. There is a pause.
A moment between typing and sending.
The impulse to overshare can be intercepted.
And turned into something brave.
That’s the hope, anyway.
