Been getting a lot of advice lately that “something’s gotta give.” And it’s a hilarious and infuriating piece of advice to give a new mom running a business. You’ve literally added 633 billion things to my to-do list, taken my sleep (among many other things), and now you’re telling me I need to cut some things out.
For most of us, we cut the stuff we consider luxuries. Working out, eating well, cooking, time with friends, sleep. SLEEP IS FOR PUSSIES.
I’ve always aspired to be one of those people who functions well on little sleep and PUSHES THROUGH and HUSTLES and GETS RESULTS BECAUSE SHE SHOWED THE FUCK UP.
Except every time I do that I leave the stove on or lock myself out of my house or make mistakes that cost me time and money.
The whole “man up” thing doesn’t really work when I do it. It’s like my body is allergic to not getting sleep and neglecting my mental health and attacks me with memory loss and bags under my eyes and breakouts and this cold that literally will not leave me alone.
Still, I get a twisted sense of pride at how much output I create when I “man up.” It’s like proof that those WEAK things aren’t stopping me.
WEAK = being tired
WEAK = making excuses
WEAK = resting after you put your kid to bed
WEAK = finishing your day at 5PM
WEAK = going to the gym when you’ve still got work to do
It wasn’t until my friend and fellow Arena member Maggie hit me with some tough truth that I sobered up to how truly fucked up this is.
The only thing that wins when I “man up” is I get bragging rights at the bro table. But I DON’T EVEN LIKE THOSE GUYS. Why am I trying to sit at that table?!
And why are you?
BECAUSE IF IT DOESN’T HURT YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! Work isn’t supposed to be pleasant, it’s work! You’re not committed if you’re not making yourself sick and tired and bleeding out of your eyes!!
This is more than hustle guilt. This is decades of conditioning. Decades of books, stories, movies, and personal experiences that told us that there is only one version of success. The version of martyrdom and pain and sacrifice and – I can’t anymore with this.
It’s just dumb. It’s dumb, it’s provincial, and it literally makes no sense.
Sleep is for smart people.
And if it’s for pussies, then I’ll have that too.
Instead of this “weak vs strong” dichotomy we keep ascribing to, I’m going to suggest a new one. Smart VS Stupid.
SMART = Taking care of your health
SMART = Spending time with your kid
SMART = Saying no
SMART = Eating not-shit-food for dinner
SMART = Having sex with your spouse
SMART = Forgetting about your phone for 30 mins
SMART = Spending time with REAL friends
SMART = Reading something not-business-related
SMART = Having fun…like at all
Taking care of yourself is NOT a luxury. It’s a mandate.
If you’re not doing it now, then it’s going to catch up with you later when your marriage falls apart, you explode at your employees, or god forbid you have a heart attack or some other horrible terrible AVOIDABLE thing.
Listen, I’m as guilty as anyone on this front. I do a terrible job of managing this. Every night before I go to bed, I’m haunted by a voice that says:
“BUT YOU HAVE ONE MILLION UNOPENED EMAILS 400 TEXTS TO RESPOND TO AND 27 FRIENDS YOU HAVEN’T CALLED BACK FOCUS ON THE BOTTOM LINE HUSTLE MOTHAFUCKA OR DON’T COMPLAIN #LIKEABOSS.”
But I’m exhausted. We’re all exhausted. And the voice in my head, like all the voices in my head, is an absolute moron.
So can we stop judging ourselves by these antiquated false (and completely manufactured!!) dichotomies and start a new paradigm?
If something’s gotta give then I vote it be these ridiculous standards for what it takes to succeed.
I choose smart.
Who’s with me?